Regardless of whether you’ve been through a relationship break up before, dealing with a new break up can be really tough.
It’s often the case that the person who instigates the break up has had a lot of time to think it through, and while it may also be very painful for them, they’ve at least had time to get used to the idea.
But if you didn’t see it coming, it can really knock you for six.
Almost every bloke on the planet knows what it’s like to have his heart broken. And learning how to get past it and move on takes great courage and resilience.
If you’re a young bloke, learning when to let go can be one of the hardest things to do. This is often a time when leaning on friends, a supportive person in your life, or a counsellor, is very important. They may be able to help you see things more clearly, and offer you much-needed support to get through it.
When is it time to let go?
I’ve seen people make a one-off mistake in a relationship and the relationship has repaired. I’ve seen others who have been veering down a destructive path, and the partner has said that the behaviour (not the person) is unacceptable and if it continues, the relationship is over. At this point, the relationship can probably repair if the person works on fixing the behaviour.
But if your ex-partner has made it clear that they’re moving on, you have to respect their decision. Oftentimes it takes great courage to end a relationship. So give them the space that they’ve asked for, and seize the opportunity to take stock of your life and start focussing on yourself again.
Break ups can be a real hit to the ego, and make you feel inadequate (we’ve all been there). But rather than being angry with the person, or questioning yourself, it’s often easier to accept it for what it is and start spending more time doing what you love to do.
And remember – you should never ever stalk someone. It prolongs the pain, makes you look like an idiot AND it’s against the law and could get you locked up. Get some help and advice on how to get over it. Trust me, in time, you will…
Why it’s important to do what you love
If your relationship has ended, it may help to think back to the (positive) things you loved to do before you met them. Stuff that’s about YOU, not you as part of a couple. Did you bushwalk? Did you play sport? Did you catch up with mates after work? Did you go to the movies? Whatever you enjoyed, bring it back into your life, and it will help you get back on track.
Most importantly, realise that you’re not gonna feel this way forever. You think you will, but you do have the strength to get through it – more than you know. Get back to what you enjoy, and think about all the things you will continue to do, even though they’re not around.
Marty